Scored Essay Examples
On this page you will find four examples of how the essay could have been written. Essays are shown with scores of 4, 3, 2, and 1. Again your goal is to score either a 3 or 4. This example of the essay was provided by from the California Department of Education's CAHSEE website.
Note: You can pass with a writing score of 2, but you need to do very well on the rest of the language
arts session of the exam.
Scoring 4 Points
Would you enjoy taking your classes at the city dump? Trash is not beautiful.It is a well-known
fact that students learn better when they’re in a clean environment.To be attractive, trash on our school ground must be picked up.The importance of picking up trash is to beautify our campus and make our school a healthier place to learn.
We want our campus to be attractive and clean, right?When rival schools come to compete against us, we don’t want them going home criticizing us because of our campus.We want to keep our campus clean to show that we’re not slobs and are educated enough to pick up our own garbage.
Who would want to eat lunch inside a dumpster?Or exercise in a gym that smells like rotten eggs and spoiled milk?We need a campus that will make it easier and healthier to learn.Would essays show the student’s best if they brainstormed ideas while looking out the window at old food, used bandaids empty soda cans and gum wrappers?The way this campus looks influences the
way we perform in our classrooms.To get the maximum quality work done, we need clean and sanitary workspaces.
In conclusion, picking up any trash around school will be beneficial to everybody, especially
us.If you see a piece of a paper blowing around stop it with your foot and bend down, pick it up, then throw it away.There’s no reason why our campus needs to be anything other than attractive.With everyone’s help, it can be attractive and provide a better learning atmosphere.
Scoring 3 Points
Nobody would like it if people stopped picking up trash and let our school become filled with trash
and let our school become filled with trash.It is very important to keep our school clean to provie an appropriate learning environment.If everyone would out our school would look more attractive.
A clean school campus would offer a nicer and appropriate learning environment.A dirty school makes it hard to concentrate on schoolwork.If trash covered the caompus students might be looking classroom window for what awaits them after class and wondering why someone is not cleaning it up.A clean school would help the students concentrate so grades might raise not only making the school look better on the outside but academically as well.
No one enjoys being in a dirty environment.Before school, snack, lunch, and after school would be much less enjoy-able to both the students and faculty if our campus was dirty.People do not like eating in trash filled lunch areas and so there would be more students leaving school permitted or not for lunch.Bascially, students and teachers would not be able to stand being in a dirty environment during school hours.
In conclusion living environments are kept clean and so it is equally important to keep learning environments clean as well.Both the students and faculty spend large portions of their days here so to make school a little better and more attractive our school needs to be kept clean.It would be easy if everyone just did their part.
Scoring 2 Points
The important of getting rid of garbage on school camps is very important.The importance
of getting rid of the garbage is making are school look nice, give less work for the teachers and janitors to do.Another reason it is important because if I don’t look oke people are going to think
that it isn’t a good school.
I think that this a good subject to write on because the trash on school campus is terrible.School campuses have a lot of garbage because people don’t care about throwing there trash away.But people need to think more reasonsivly because they are destroying the earth if they do not pick up there garbage. So people from now on when you have garbage don’t throw it on the ground throw it in the garbage can.
Another reason it is important for people not to litter because this where we live and we don’t need
to destroy where we live.Pluse what would other people come to our school meaning the district office people think of us if we just left our trash all over the ground that would make us look bad.
Scoring 1 Point
It would be a good idea to clean up over envirement, maybe if there was more trash cans well you could make our schlool cleaner if just everybody picked up on thing our schlool would not be 3/4ths clean that’s how bad our mess has gotten to who wants to attend a school that’s nowfor the trash and ants and roaches etc.No one does that’s why we should clean our school & our great reward in the end a clean & safe and healthy envirement and school.
My Clean School
My Clean School (MCS) creates opportunities for students to build on and expand beyond the solid academic foundation developed at school. It encourages young people to think creatively, take initiative and to inspire others which takes their skills to another more practical and community-minded level. It therefore helps makes them more employable and a greater asset in the adult world they are entering.
While cleanliness (of environment, self and mind) is an outcome, it is being in action (in the spirit of My Clean) which empowers the individual especially through interaction with members of the community.
So symbolically, while the school takes care of one side of the hand (scholastics), My Clean School takes care of the other (leadership in the community), and by that, strengthens the whole individual.
Who you are being.
Making a whole, empowered person.
The key features of My Clean School are:
The young people able to choose (with adult support and guidance) what action to take and then own the outcomes of their initiatives.
Practice Appreciative Inquiry: looking at what is working and then building on that. One could say, the spirit of My Clean discovers seeds and nurtures them. A key feature is therefore the acknowledgment of others, including businesses making a contribution to a cleaner environment.
Practice Progressive Inquiry: also looking at what is not working, what it could look like and what action steps would achieve that.
My Clean produces outcomes in shifting the collective consciousness with benefits such as:
High profile media coverage of sponsors.
Employers rewarded with more employable young people – confident, creative, self-starters.
The environment becoming cleaner in a sustainable way.
The building of community spirit.
See alsoResource for letters to schools
The essence of My Clean SchoolMy Clean School is premised on United Nations Agenda 21 Ch 25 promotes the youth’s active participation in the environment
Opportunity for students to participate in the community and to extend themselves (inc. Leadership). To apply their acquired academic skill and above all, to own the outcome.
An independent voice. The outcome of My Clean School endeavours, including the essay competition, can represent an opportunity for the citizens to hear what is working and opportunities for extending that (in other words, to stop pointing fingers at the problems and deficiencies for other to fix but instead to create a pathway for action by all).
The general banner is “Prosperity and Beauty through Community”
The bottom line is that the students are motivated, see something in it for themselves, are satisfied and ideally, see their visions being applied. It is time for the community to take charge of which the schools can be a driving force. Not to clean, not to finger point to problems, but to build on the good things as well.
PowerPoint presentations (BUT WITHOUT ANIMATIONS & VIDEOS)